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Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts

Boys Will Be Brides, Dressing Men as the Bride




Every day when I opened the door to the bridal salon, I never knew who would walk through the door.  Same for the phone, I never knew what strange request was waiting or what was going to go wrong. 

As women, we can wear pants on a daily basis and not get a second glance.  But men, put them in a dress and they get stared down.  I was naive, I didn't know how many men dreamed of wearing wedding dresses.  I soon learned. 

One day the best looking man I'd ever seen walked into the salon.  He was drop dead gorgeous and built like a fitness model.   He told me he wanted to buy a wedding dress as a gag for his best friend's bachelor/Halloween party. He was so sincere, and since he had no clue how to put on a wedding dress, I told him that I'd help him get into it.   Then he dropped the bomb on me  "I wore a bra so the dress would look right on me."   I did a double take, he was wearing the most gorgeous hot pink bra I'd ever seen.  It was lacy and had a pink bow and pearls on it.  I wanted his bra!   But how did he find that gorgeous bra in his size?  I wanted to ask, but I was literally speechless.  (I'm never speechless!)   Then I glanced down, he was wearing a thong to match...a freaking hot pink thong on the most gorgeous man I'd ever laid eyes on in person!   And, did I mention panty hose?  How he pulled that off, well, I really didn't want to know.  Well, yes, I did, but I was afraid to look anywhere but his eyes and I couldn't find the right words to ask.  He decided instead of a wedding dress, he'd buy a frilly ruffly pink chiffon ballgown.  He loved it, he twirled and he pranced and kept talking about how he was going to be the hit of the party.  I have no doubt.  

Truthfully, I was more than a little bit freaked out. So was the rest of my staff.  So we had a new rule after that, any men in the shop become my customers.  I wasn't going to put them in any harm, should the guy turn out to be a total freak.  Like the guy who walked in barefoot wearing only ballet tights during a snowstorm.  Hello, 911!

About a week later, I met Brenda who was really named Steve.  Brenda strutted into the salon for her appointment, a stunning statuesque blonde in a mini skirt, stiletto heels and blood red nails.  Something seemed odd to the gal helping her, so I stepped in.  Took me all of a second to realize that Brenda was a guy.  Brenda had the best makeup I'd ever seen on anyone. I've worked with some amazing makeup artists, but Brenda was perfection.  So perfect, she looked Photoshopped.  The giveaway was her hands, even though they were perfectly manicured, they were men's hands.  Brenda knew that I knew and asked me to help her dress...then she asked me if I dealt with people like her.  I said  "Honey, I've dealt with everything, so lets get to trying on dresses."  The relief showed in her eyes.  

When I walked into the dressing room, I nearly fainted.  On the pedestal, Brenda had taken out her breast prosthesis, and there were two large breasts staring up at me  They looked so real that it was surreal.  She then asked me to help with her strapless bra, well, OK,  I do this for women every day.  Put on your big girl pants and treat her like a woman.  So I did....until I realized that Brenda was wearing a frilly pair of panties that made her look like a woman in front.  Then she bent over and she was um....extremely well endowed.  I saw all the family jewels.  After that, I looked only in her eyes until she was dressed.  The sight of her bending over is forever burned into my eyeballs......

It took Brenda nearly an hour to get herself back together. She changed her outfit and fixed her makeup because she had a date with her honey. Then we did the paperwork.  My manager saw my husband pulling in the parking lot.  With a big grin on her face, she told him she had a big surprise for him for his birthday and to keep his eyes open.  A few minutes later, Brenda sashayed out the door, my husband holding the door open for the stunning lady.  Brenda winked at my hubby and I watched him checking out Brenda while we girls were falling on the floor laughing at my husband.   What ticked me off wasn't his reaction, it was that Brenda looked so much better than me.  She looked better than all the women in the shop.  Damn!

Brenda and I became friends of sort.  I learned he was really married with small children and his wife allowed him Brenda time....where he became Brenda for a few days.  He and his wife were renewing their wedding vows and yes, he was wearing a wedding dress.  I never knew him as Steve.  

Brenda must have told her buddies, because suddenly, I had lots of men wanting to play dress up.  I had to make a new rule.  If the men wanted to play dress up, they had to rent the dressing room and pay for my time and the money would go towards a purchase.  It cut down on the players who were indulging in their fantasies..  I couldn't have men playing dress up in the dressing rooms because it freaked out the real brides. And I couldn't have my dressing rooms tied up when I needed them for my real brides. 

The one thing I've learned in dealing with man brides is that we are all human and to treat all humans as we'd want to be treated.  But please, no more man thongs!

Jamaican wedding love

I have a personal love of tropical, sun filled, beachy weddings. Probably because of my husband and my intimate wedding in Vanuatu a stack of years ago. So when I came across the following gorgeousness on the Elizabeth Anne Designs website I just had to share.

Take a look at some of these beautiful images captured by photographer Steve Koo. Don't the colours and the sunshine just make you lust after a tropical holiday? Maybe with a cocktail or two? Or is that just me?




























Royal Fashion Awards: The Duke of Parma's Wedding

I'm not very familiar with a lot of the royals on parade for the Duke of Parma's wedding this weekend, but that's not going to stop me from snarking on their wedding attire, oh no. Especially when so many of them didn't even bother to do it up right...

Most Occasion Confusion
Left to Right: Princess Margriet, Princess Anita, Princess Christina and daughter Juliana
Now I know that the bride and groom were civilly married way back in the summertime, and the wedding's been postponed due to the death of the groom's father, but come on. It's still a wedding, ladies - spruce it up a bit! Margriet and Anita may as well be going to any old day function (alright, Anita's is a little bit sparkly, but still), and Christina and Juliana...I don't even know what to make of that.

Best of the "At Least They Tried" Category
L to R: Princess Mabel, Princess Máxima, Princess Aimee, Queen Beatrix, Princess Irene
Yes, you get credit just for making an effort on this occasion. Mabel gets credit for veering away from a total trainwreck, even though the outfit really doesn't make any sense. Máxima manages to look put together, even though it's not her best showing. (And somehow I feel like the trousers are alright here. Am I losing it?) I like Aimee's coat, but the shoes and the length are off - plus, her dress underneath is lace, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Beatrix...well, that's a lot of look when you add the wrap in. Per usual, really. Irene, she looks good, but I don't get the silver with that purple color. Shame, too, because the suit itself has potential.

Best of Those That Made the Effort
L to R: Princess Marilene, Princess Margarita, Princess Annette, Princess Carolina, Princess Laurentien
Marilene has turned up in a perfectly lovely wedding outfit, I like the combo of brighter spring colors and winter fabrics. Pregnant Margarita is one of my favorites: the different textures among the reds make her monochromatic look work. It wouldn't have killed Annette to put a hat on for the day, but her coat is well cut and the shoes are fab. Carolina is the only one out of the entire bunch that really made a lasting impression, with her gorge purple dress, so structural, and a fascinator to match. And now we've come to Laurentien, and I know what you're thinking: first I don't have a problem with trousers at a wedding, now I've included Laurentien among my favorites. I know. And you can't even see properly in this picture that her skirt is kind of sequin-y. But like I said, at this wedding you get points for bothering to put an outfit together in the first place, and I think Laurentien actually looks pretty good here.

Best of the Day
No competition. Princess Annemarie looks positively lovely. The dress, by Jacques Devos and Pamela Hoffman, is extremely flattering, and I love the mermaid cut and train length. There were a few photos that weren't as flattering, so I suspect this is a dress not meant to move around quite so much, but that's alright. The tiara, from the Dutch royal family, isn't one of my favorites - it always manages to look off because of that v-shape at the base - but this is the best I've seen it look. She's certainly bested Laurentien here, on whom this tiara always manages to look like it's about to fall off. Well played, Duchess.
What do you think? Who's your best dressed for the day?
Photos:PPE/Nieboer/ANP/AP IMAGES ROYAL MARCEL ANTONIS/Belga

Flashback Friday: Royal Engagement Outfits

I've been thinking about it, and I've decided this: the royal engagement outfit has to be one of the hardest outfits in royal life to get just right.

First of all, it's not an everyday business meeting. (Well, I suppose once upon a time it was a business meeting, but I should hope we've moved past that by now.)
Now, I love me some Tatiana, but her engagement outfit just wasn't...special, you know? And even when you fancy the day-to-day suit up, à la Letizia, you're not immune to criticism.

Second, it may not be an every day event, but it's still not an evening occasion - Sophie's engagement suit I recall being criticized as too "evening" just because she went for a little beading. And there's something off about Charlene in a long dress next to Albert in a regular old suit.
That said, it's not a casual occasion either, Mathilde. (I guess they were going for the young and fresh angle?)

Thirdly, one must be careful not to date oneself.
Because as these two ladies well know, the engagement photos will remain long after the marriage ceases to exist.

Yes, timeless is the way to go. Princess Elizabeth looks well-dressed even 60 years later.
And at least Madeleine can be proud of her engagement outfit, even if she didn't end up being proud of the engagement.

Now, let us revisit the case of Miss Catherine Middleton:
Another one for the timeless category, I say. Not too fancy, not too casual. Made by a British designer (Issa, a fave of Kate's as well as Beatrice and Eugenie). Hits it on all points, all while managing to avoid too great a comparison to the inevitable:

  
Tell me: who tops your all-time best dressed royal fiancée list, and where does Kate rank on your list?
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